Most of us feel worried, fearful or downright stupid when doing something that extends us beyond our comfort zone. It’s not skill that holds us back. We are up against ourselves. The biggest barrier to self development is emotional. If we can get over the initial trauma of feeling incompetent and awkward, we can unlock the doors to a new and more successful reality…
The major barrier to learn a new skill is usually not intellectual, it’s emotional. We’re scared, awkward and uncomfortable in the beginning. There are a number of subconscious beliefs that limit us and hold us back. These are sometimes referred to as “iceberg” beliefs because we can only see the tip – the bigger part is hidden deep within our subconscious.
From the moment we can think, we’re building beliefs about ourselves, our environment and our place in the world. Examples of such beliefs are:
“I lack confidence”
“I just don’t have the motivation”
“I need to be perfect before committing…”
Research suggests that by the time we are about 8 to 10 years old, these beliefs are solidifying. By the time we get to our late teens, these beliefs have become embedded and part of us.
These limiting beliefs sometimes take the form of excuses, sometimes justification, sometimes self-defense mechanisms.
It is however possible to successfully manage our way around these kinds of obstructive beliefs.
Be aware of the limiting belief
If you know what the belief is and where it comes from, it becomes easier to navigate your way around it. You can do this by selecting one specific area – for example, a fear of public speaking that you might have.
Deconstruct the belief
What exactly are you afraid of? Is it the fear of looking silly or incompetent? See if you can think of the fear as excitement and think of anticipation instead of apprehension. What do you feel when the belief takes over?
Learn and prepare mentally by asking other people who have done this how they got over this fear. Read a few articles on the subject. Rehearse on your own first and pretend you are in front of a large audience and they are all cheering. Research has shown that you can fake it until you make it and you can also fake it until you become it. See this video for more on how to do this.
Challenge and practice with a small presentation first with colleagues or friends. With some effort and practice, this limiting belief will become weaker and maybe even go away.
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