It is a natural urge to want to impress others. After all, isn’t this what we learnt from parents, teachers, mentors etc that we should not be hesitant in trumpeting our achievements. Logic suggests that by impressing others, we will gain some influence with them. But there is a problem with this approach…

The problem is that no matter what our ego tells us, we are actually just normal human beings that others can see through quickly.

Sure we can learn to dress to impress, we can speak in public like few can, we can rattle off a list of big achievements, but a person ranting on about himself or herself is not pleasant. Some people can do this more subtly than others but almost always, the impression conveyed is not “wow, what a guy” version that we seek; it is the “oh please, give me a break”  response that we do not want.

It is probably  universally true that if our goal starting out is to impress other people, we usually end up turning people off and seeming artificial and pretentious. So what does this mean? Does it mean if we want to influence others, we should not try to impress them?

Yes, this is exactly right. If you seek to gain influence with other people, don’t try to impress them. Instead, try the following strategies:

1- Listen and acknowledge

If you really want to impress someone, spend some time listening carefully to them and acknowledging their views. You don’t have to agree necessarily with everything they say, but you can surely acknowledge that this is what has been said.  By focusing on someone else, you attract their attention and their warmth.

2- Let them impress you

Instead of you impressing others, let them impress you. Let them know the value you associate with being able to interact with them. People want significance above all else.

3- Add value  

A great way to leave an impact and to gain influence – whether in a routine interaction, in a sales situation or in a presentation – is to provide genuine value. When you offer something of real value to someone in a way that can make a difference in their lives or in their work, that creates a genuine and lasting impact.