You are going to present before a group of people you haven’t met before. As you face the seemingly intimidating audience, you start to feel tense. Some people seem to be looking quizzically at you, as if sizing you up. You don’t like this at all, and you start looking at the exit, wishing you were somewhere else. Your heart is pounding and your initial “good morning folks – how are you doing?” sounds weak as your voice cracks and falters. You are experiencing one of the core emotions that all humans have to endure. It will not go away but the good news is that you can learn to modulate its effect on you…

The fundamental cause for such fear in typical workplace or social situations is our ego that worries how we might come across to other people. This stems from a sense of inadequacy that may have come as a result of our experiences at home, with teachers, colleagues etc. There are innumerable theories about fear and how one can raise self-esteem however a practical way for us to start thinking about how to control fear is to first understand the 5 truths about fear ( a great book to read on this subject is Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Dr. Susan Jeffers).

Truth #1  The fear will only go away when you go out and do it anyway

When we fear something, like public speaking or approaching someone for friendship, it always seems more intimidating than it actually is in reality. In many presentations, what we considered to be a hostile audience turned out to be a truly supportive one. Someone we wanted to approach as a friend was actually equally interested in making the connection. The reality is that the fear will only go away by actually doing what you fear.

Truth #2  The fear will never go away

OK so you make the effort to go and do the presentation and it does not seem that difficult anymore. Does this mean you have conquered the fear of speaking in public for ever? No!  It just means you have become comfortable with one group or situation. If you have to now speak in front of a larger group and with the TV cameras rolling this time, guess what! The fear will come back.  You now have to conquer this again (go back to Truth #1). Anytime you get out of your comfort zone and do something you haven’t done before, there will be some anxiety or fear but recognize to be a universal human trait, not just a peculiarity in you.

Truth #3  Positive thinking can help but won’t replace the doing part

Saying to yourself “I can do it”, other forms of verbal affirmations or reinforcing your self-esteem by visualizing the night before that the audience is eating out of your hands can be helpful but it will never take away the fear. You will have to ultimately go out and do it to actually become confident.

Truth #4  Anyone who wants to grow and succeed faces the same fear

You are not alone. If others seem much more confident, it is not because they do not feel anxious or fearful; it is because they have learned to accept and control this emotion better.  As Dr. Susan Jeffers indicates in her book, some people use the fear as a red light and apply the brakes while others use it as a green light to push themselves to go out and do it. One strategy that some people advocate is that there is a very thin line between  apprehension and excitement and you can “choose” to be excited and passionate rather than apprehensive and hesitant.

Truth #5  You can’t bypass fear through avoidance

It would seem that rather than going through this hassle of being fearful about something that is coming up, one could just put it off or avoid it completely. But what this results in is a sense of ongoing fear.  It is less painful to go out and do it rather than the constant dread of something you have avoided