There are lot’s of explanations about the common barriers that people encounter during listening. Here’s the most common ones that challenge us..

Comparing: assessing who’s smarter, competent, more knowledegable etc. While the other speaks, I’m thinking “I earn more than that”, “my kids are much brighter” etc. I don’t let anything in because I’m too busy sizing up the other

Mind Reading: not paying attention to the words but trying to decode meanings – “she thinks I’m stupid but I’ll play along” etc. Trying to see what may not exist

Rehearsing: not listening because I’m busy preparing the rebuttal or reply. I pretend to be interested but my mind is saying “he’ll say this then I’ll tell him that..”

Filtering: listening to certain things and not others. I wait to see if there’s any real emotional danger – like the person is angry or distressed – but if that is not the case, my mind wanders.

Say, for instance, I’m a manager who strongly believes that when people talk and enjoy their work they aren’t getting their work done properly. Because of my belief, I value silence and seriousness on the job. I also have the attitude that people who kid around don’t perform as they should.

On the other hand, if I believed that a relaxed and enjoyable working environment keeps work from being drudgery and makes it acceptable. I would be able to value an understanding, easygoing supervisor.

Judging: by pre-judging someone as junior or not very intelligent etc, I write them off as insignificant even before I’ve started rather than withholding judgment until after the content is made known

Dreaming: a trigger word and I wander off to another time, a different place until I suddenly come back just in time to hear the other saying “thank you for your attention”

Identifying: someone talks about a toothache and you suddenly launch into your own story about the difficult time you had at the dentist last month; the other feels depressed because you did not listen to the painful experience she had

Sparring: instant disagreement or arguing and debating . “Well this may be what you think but I think it’s ridiculous”. If you see GEO TV and watch our politicians discussing something, this will become evident

Being Right – also called Being the Boss – I consider myself right all the time and cannot accept that I have made a mistake. I will go to any length to get my point across including twisting the facts to win. I hear colleagues’ views just to show them I’m a nice boss but I have little interest

Derailing: suddenly changing the subject when I’m bored or joking away the topic if it makes me uncomfortable

Superficially Accomodating: I agree with everything – “right, right, oh yes, absolutely, oh really?” etc

Additional Barriers

The Image of Leadership – The role of listening can seem to contradict common cultural notions of what a leader is. In a society that values leaders who are action oriented, charismatic, visionary, and directive, the expectation is that leaders should have the answers, call the shots, and do all the talking.

Silence as Agreement – Listening quietly can also be confused with agreement or acceptance of the other’s ideas and perspective.

Quick Check?

Generally what kind of blocks do you commonly find yourself using? Think about it.