Giving honest feedback to colleagues or subordinates is not easy; in fact it is for most managers a very difficult thing to do. Why is this the case? Well, managers feel they might say something too harsh, or too negative; the person receiving the feedback may react strongly; and relationships may suffer. So the temptation is to avoid giving feedback, to walk away, to not confront. The result: unresolved issues, below-the-surface resentment or discontentment….

Giving feedback can become easier by avoiding the following mistakes:

Judging the person, not the action – a very common mistake is to use absolute judgement like “you are very careless”. This kind of statement will almost certainly put the other person in a state where he/she will become very defensive or will withdraw and go quiet. Any possibility of the feedback having some real impact just disappears.

Not being Direct – for example saying something positive first, softening up the person, then delivering the blow is not a great way of giving feedback despite all the conventional wisdom that says this is OK. At best, you reduce the impact of both the positive and the negative, and at worst, the other person starts to believe that you are a crafty, sly manager.

Being Verbose – OK, you have said your piece, you have given time to listen, there has been an interaction – good. Now stop. Keep the feedback precise, specific and short. Giving lengthy advice, sharing your life’s experiences and your wisdom, psycho-analyzing the other person is not the thing to do here. Do that with your kids.

If you want to study the science of giving feedback, go read some long articles and books. But if you need a way of getting better at feedback right away, just remember not to make these common 3 mistakes. Oh, also take a deep breath before you give the feedback – this generally calms the nerves!

from MDi Pakistan’s directory of Practical Tools for Managers TM