What the British Say

This piece was published in one of the English dailies or magazines (not sure now) but it is an amazing testament to the idiosyncrasies of the English language and an even more obvious demonstration of the bewilderment of the foreigners who have had the fortune to engage in this strangest of languages. Perhaps this was the secret weapon that the British used to conquer the world…

What the British Say: I hear what you say
What the British Mean: I disagree and do not want to discuss it
What We Foreigners Understand: Good. He accepts my point of view.

What the British Say: With the greatest respect
What the British Mean: You are an idiot
What We Foreigners Understand: He is listening to me

What the British Say: That is a very brave proposal
What the British Mean: You are insane
What We Foreigners Understand: He thinks I have courage

What the British Say: Very interesting
What the British Mean: That is clearly nonsense
What We Foreigners Understand: He is impressed as I expected

What the British Say: I’ll bear it in mind
What the British Mean: I’ve forgotten it already
What We Foreigners Understand: He will probably do it

What the British Say: I’m sure it’s my fault
What the British Mean: It’s your bloody fault
What We Foreigners Understand:  Why does he think it was his fault?

Now here is the really interesting part. This is the way most bureaucrats speak and the way most politicians speak and the way most managers speak and the way you speak and the way I speak. The English were good teachers and we were great learners.